Thursday, September 30, 2010


Well, today I feel empty.

It has been a productive day, with painting and baking and making a beautiful array of salads (yes, an array!).... but I feel empty.

My friends have children.  My sister has children.  My ex-students have children.  I do not. 

I feel barren, empty and worthless. 

It's funny, because there are things about kids I love, and plenty of reasons to be thankful that I don't have any.  But it makes me feel so much like a plastic bag in the wind because I can't have any.  I'm gutted about it.  Who makes the decision for me?  So much for pro-choice.  Pa! 

I don't know.  Heck, maybe the universe is trying to tell me that I have other plans.  Maybe teaching would not be in my scope of possibility if I had kids?  Maybe if I did have children, I would have like 3, maybe 4 at most, but this way I can reach more people?  Maybe I am being punished for selfishness in the past by not being allowed to have children?  I don't know.  Maybe one day I will have a clue?

Saturday, September 11, 2010


Well, I am once again avoiding doing what needs to be done by writing.  At least I like writing... though... laptops HAVE to be destroying my wrists..... this is an unnatural and uncomfortable way to type.  But my bum is comfortable on the sofa, so that is the main thing.

I am going snorkeling!  My new kit arrived the other day, and I did the dishes while wearing it (hardly a big deal as I dressed as Dorothy to mow the lawns, often do naked vacuuming, or pirate themed dusting).  My neighbours deserve a medal for bravery.  So, back to the snorkeling.  To succeed at this I need to be able to swim again.  I have now stopped sinking to the bottom of the pool, so that is great.  But it still hurts and results in my poor ankle swelling up like the wave in "A perfect storm".  (See what I did there.... yep... bad punning!)  Hopefully I will be back to full, or better than full, function in December.  Yes.... tropical waters, tropical fish, and a nice backtan await.  This is one of the true joys of having an underwater camera..... photographing the little fishies......

Snorkeling in Vanuatu earlier this year... my first time snorkeling!
One of my fishy friends whom I played "Jaws" with.... and he nibbled on my toe.

Other than that, I personally am saving Amazon and Juggleart from the recession, and have just spent FAR too much on a hobby that I suck at.... juggling.  However, I enjoy it, and will be at the NZ juggling convention next year.  Yippee!

So, back to work I go.  No more procrastination here......