Wednesday, November 30, 2011

On reminiscing.

There are people I miss.  Greatly.  And today I have been thinking of them.  A lot.  But, not the specifics, just, my reactions to them I guess.  I have been remembering what it is like to feel.

Don't get me wrong.  I feel stuff.  But, like, I feel the screws in my ankle, and I feel frustrated.

What I miss is feeling connected to something larger than myself.  Something more than just being.  I want to feel like I belong as part of this world in the wider sense.  I just want to be able to touch things with my mind, feel like I connected, and left part of me behind.  To be more than just there, responding.

I remember laughing, at myself.  And touching, without judgement or second guessing.  And not thinking about what anyone looks like.

Monday, November 14, 2011

It's just so busy!

I know that it is hardly my place to say how busy things are, but, they really really are!  For some reason, 2011 has been busy, and not just for me, for everyone.

I have not come across a person who has found 2011 to be a breeze.  Why is the world so busy?  I am trying to figure it out.  Part of me thinks it all has to do with the economy, so we are all trying so hard to keep our jobs, so working really hard at them.

Either way, I look forward to winding down.

And finishing my novel.... as I am 10,000 words behind, I should sort that out!

I am really very proud of my new travel blog, "Beyond Island Hopping".
Please visit and tell me what you think.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

You haven't seen the last of me....

Well, I have been sewing, watching 'Burlesque', writing and generally falling behind on my word count, BBQing sausages and having my cell phone stolen. 

It's all been busy.

Throw in holiday plans (yay), end of the year school stuff (boo), insurance details for 3 claims and sorting out travel cover, preparing to have my ankle operated on and keeping my kitchen clean, it enters the realm of the ridiculous.

Sometimes I forget where I am in the middle of it all.  I shouldn't.  All I need to do is stop, look and realise that this is all I have, so I need to make the most of it. 

At least my hair is growing out. :P

Friday, November 4, 2011

And how things are going....

It seems like so much has crammed itself into the last month.

The husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. He had no symptoms if cancer at all, but all the symptoms of period pains! Fortunately he was suffering from pain, or otherwise the tumor would have gone undetected for years. It was fast growing, less than 10 months old.

We were all shocked, his doctors, the proctologist and us.

On the day of his colonoscopy, he passed blood. That was the first symptom typical of colon cancer. From that morning when his 3 day old blood test results were normal, he was a cancer patient. He had afternoon tests. It came back that in the few days between tests, he was anemic. Being dark skinned, it didn't show. That was symptom 2.

We met the surgeon, a week after diagnosis. He talked us through the surgery, it was going to be keyhole and short. The tumor was 8cm in length. He was scheduled for an iron infusion and we met sundry medical professionals. Then he was in for surgery. He lost 13 kilos from diagnosis to surgery- symptom 3.

The actual surgery was nothing short of amazing. His surgeon was beyond impossible, the house surgeons keep checking his stitches and his charts saying, "but that's impossible"... They removed 60cm of colon with a 10cm tumor in it. The surgery took 4 1/2 hours. The tumor was larger than at the colonoscopy.

He has stage 3 colon cancer, as it had infected 2 of his lymph nodes. But, his surgeon is positive. He will get chemotherapy in the new year for 6 months.

It all became rather serious rather quickly.

He is recovering well, and back at work. It's almost like a bad dream, except, his togs and his pants are too loose, and he has a scar where they had to slice out the colon when the surgery ran long.

Am I worried? Yeah, I am. Will he die? I don't know.

I've never claimed to have a perfect marriage. We fight, and we have so much that we disagree on. My lack of child bearing and the inter-racial issues do make things difficult, but, i still love him, and it pains me to see him sick or in pain.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason.

Finding it is hard.

I also believe that we keep being given challenges until we learn the lesson the universe is offering. I hope to learn this one soon.

I also know that we are never tested beyond what we can bear.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The last straw

Okay, I get that I am overweight. Why people can't see the injury is understandable too. I really understand all that.

And I will lose the weight eventually.

But just because I am sitting outside of the imaging section of the hospital, does not mean that I am pregnant, far from it. If you could see the inner scars, you'd know.

But this won't be the last time, and I guess I should get used to it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad