There are people I miss. Greatly. And today I have been thinking of them. A lot. But, not the specifics, just, my reactions to them I guess. I have been remembering what it is like to feel.
Don't get me wrong. I feel stuff. But, like, I feel the screws in my ankle, and I feel frustrated.
What I miss is feeling connected to something larger than myself. Something more than just being. I want to feel like I belong as part of this world in the wider sense. I just want to be able to touch things with my mind, feel like I connected, and left part of me behind. To be more than just there, responding.
I remember laughing, at myself. And touching, without judgement or second guessing. And not thinking about what anyone looks like.