Well, today I feel empty.
It has been a productive day, with painting and baking and making a beautiful array of salads (yes, an array!).... but I feel empty.
My friends have children. My sister has children. My ex-students have children. I do not.
I feel barren, empty and worthless.
It's funny, because there are things about kids I love, and plenty of reasons to be thankful that I don't have any. But it makes me feel so much like a plastic bag in the wind because I can't have any. I'm gutted about it. Who makes the decision for me? So much for pro-choice. Pa!
I don't know. Heck, maybe the universe is trying to tell me that I have other plans. Maybe teaching would not be in my scope of possibility if I had kids? Maybe if I did have children, I would have like 3, maybe 4 at most, but this way I can reach more people? Maybe I am being punished for selfishness in the past by not being allowed to have children? I don't know. Maybe one day I will have a clue?